Sunday, March 4, 2012

Romance Blooms with Showers of Confidence

Here is a third guest blog from Sandy Ralya, author of The Beautiful Wife

Romance Blooms with Showers of Confidence

Men are highly sensitive to signals of doubt because doubt plagues them.

If you continually give off signals of doubt, you will confirm the fear of inadequacy that lurks deep within your husband. If a man believes he doesn’t have what it takes to please you, there’s not much chance he’ll attempt romance.

"A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands" (Proverbs 14:1).

Doubting your husband and his abilities tears away at a man; conferring confidence builds him up.

A confident man is grateful to the one who believes in him.

Do you have confidence in your husband, or do you find yourself regularly second-guessing him? Do you struggle with doubt when it comes to his abilities?

He needs to be supported by your confidence in him
          at home
          in the workplace
         and in his dream for the future.

At home, I wanted Tom involved with the discipline of our children but was rarely pleased with his methods. I thought he was too strict and should be more understanding. Instead of communicating clearly with Tom about my concerns, I undermined his authority by smoothing things over with the kids behind his back.

My actions conveyed a lack of confidence in my husband.

I sabotaged our parenting and our marriage.

Our kids learned their parents weren’t always on the same team, so if they worked on the more lenient parent, they might get their way. Tom felt hurt and angry.

Doubting my husband didn’t open any doors to romance!

The media constantly broadcast fear and doubt concerning the future. Against this tidal wave of doom and gloom, it’s difficult for a man to confidently believe that God has planned a hopeful future for him.

When my husband was going through a job transition a couple of years ago, it became apparent he was struggling with doubt over his ability to succeed in a new venture. He was really down one day when he commented, "Most men don’t make a job change at fifty." I asked, "Who says?"

He rewarded me with a smile from ear to ear.

Tom’s words weren’t so much a statement of fact as they were a question—he was asking me if I believed he could successfully make a job change at fifty. 

A wise wife counteracts the media’s message of fear with a daily dose of confidence.

Inspiring confidence in your husband is like pouring water on dry, thirsty ground.

What seeds of potential lie dormant within your husband, waiting for the showers of your confidence?

What does your husband dream of doing?
Let your husband know that you believe in him. If you don’t, who will?

Breathe words of confidence into your husband today and watch as he stands taller with every word spoken.

That said, pray about which ones to encourage. If your husband’s dreams take him in a direction that worries you, consider your concerns. Are they rooted in selfishness or fear? Turn to God and give Him your worries.

Conferring confidence invites your husband to romance.

Could your love-life benefit from showers of confidence? 

Sandy Ralya is the founder and director of Beautiful Womanhood, a marriage mentoring ministry based near Grand Rapids, Mich. Her marriage testimony was the focus of a popular three-day interview on FamilyLife Today, TV's Walking by Faith, and Time Out for Women. Sandy is a sought-after speaker, presenting Beautiful Womanhood seminars to hundreds of women each year at MOPS groups, women's retreats, and church leadership conferences across the country and in Canada. Sandy and her husband Tom have been married since 1980, and have a growing number of grandchildren.

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